SKILL ISSUE: I STILL BELIEVE IN LOVE

inspired by The Agony of Eros by Byung-Chul Han

I read The Agony of Eros like it was a letter addressed directly to me.
This slim, savage little book about why love is dying in our hyper-capitalist, data-driven, performance-optimized world- was both validating and devastating.

Because it made me realize:
I’m not the problem.
But also: the problem is f*cking massive.

Let’s talk about it.

I. Mirror-Shopping Isn’t Love

Han says real love requires otherness, the thrill of meeting someone who surprises you, disagrees with you, disrupts your inner monologue.

But dating today? It’s like shopping for a version of yourself in someone else’s face.

We’re not seeking connection, we’re seeking confirmation.
But here’s the thing: falling in love with a mirror is boring.

The fun, the fire - comes from friction. From arguing about art or politics or pineapple on pizza with someone who sees the world through a different lens. From someone who challenges your ideas, questions your takes, and isn’t afraid to say, “You’re wrong.” or “But I think-”

Being with someone who’s always agreeable might be smooth, but you don’t grow from smooth. You grow from being jolted out of your rhythm.
Desire thrives in difference.

“Eros is experienced only where there is a wound or a rift.” – Byung-Chul Han

We’ve flattened the erotic into the algorithmic.
What’s left isn’t seduction, it’s self-soothing.

II. Love Is Not a Brand Campaign (and That’s the Point)

We’re living in a time where intimacy feels like performance.
We’re documenting more than we’re experiencing.
From dating bios that sound like startup pitches to Instagram “close friends” curated like brand drops, we’re obsessed with how love looks rather than how it feels.

Han warns that when love becomes fully visible, it starts to disappear. Because love needs mystery. It needs privacy. It needs the courage to exist without an audience.

But hey, this doesn’t mean you can’t post your partner. Celebrate them. Share the silly stuff. Share the joy. But don’t let the pressure to appear perfect kill the beautiful, messy, irrational truth of your bond.

Not everything has to be aesthetic. Not every fight has to be TikTokified into a #healing arc.
Let it be ugly. Let it be cringe. Let it be yours.

“Love needs a protected space of absence. Total exposure eliminates all desire.” – Han

I don’t want a relationship that’s optimized for applause.
I want one that’s awkward in public and electric in private.
I want to love like no one’s watching even if everyone is.

III. Desire Is Becoming Obsolete. And With It, the Art of Loving.

We’ve replaced real risk with the illusion of infinite choice.
Why fall hard when you can just fall into another DM?
Why ache when you can distract?

Because love is inconvenient.
It is glorious and messy and time-consuming.
But guess what? So is living.

This isn’t me saying “bring back arranged marriages” or “stop sleeping around” or any other boring conservative take.
This is me saying: let people be dramatic.
Let people feel too much. Let people write stupid poems and send long texts and cry about eye contact.

“Eros is not a desire that can be satisfied.” – Han

I know the world isn’t built for lovers anymore.
But I’ll be damned if I stop trying.
I want the full myth. I want to be crushed by it.
I want something so real it makes me question myself.

If I’m too much for this world, maybe the world’s just not enough. Maybe I won’t water it down, yes, maybe I am the cliche romcom lead with that annoyingly positive attitude towards love and life, SO WHAT.

So What Now?

I’m not going to end this by saying “just keep loving” or some Instagrammable platitude.

I’ll just say: if you’re reading this and you still believe in love,
in desire,
in soft things and sharp feelings and full-bodied emotion

You’re not alone.

And maybe that’s the most romantic thing I can offer..

10/10 book though.